The Cowboy's Forbidden Love (eBook)

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Chapter 1

Misery was his companion. It had seen Colt through the last year of his life, and at this point, he couldn’t see a future without that cold friend by his side. He barely remembered losing his parents when he’d been a child. They had been there one day and gone the next. His memories had long since faded, and all he had were the pictures and video recordings to keep them alive.
But that was how it went with losing a family member. They were part of your life. You didn’t get to choose them, but you could learn to appreciate them all the same. They had to love you no matter what and vice versa.
Losing a spouse was different.
Katelynn hadn’t just landed in his lap, and he’d decided to go with it.
He could remember the first day he’d seen her as if it was yesterday. He had been a senior in high school, and he’d gone to the rodeo with his grandparents. The crowds bordered on being out of control. No one could move five steps without bumping into someone else.
And yet he had been able to see her from a quarter mile away.
Katelynn stood with some other girls on the metal rungs of the fenced-in area, talking to some rodeo cowboys. They laughed, flirted, and smiled like most girls their age did, but all Colt could do was stare.
Her blond hair had been pulled back into a ponytail, but bits and pieces had come loose and framed her face. Every so often, a breeze would pick up those tendrils and send them floating as if they had minds of their own.
She never looked in his direction, but he knew that one day, he’d get her attention and make her his. It had taken him a couple weeks to find out who she was and that she was in the area visiting her grandparents. But once he introduced himself, the rest was history.
A short engagement, followed by the best two years of his life.
And now, what did he have to show for it? The shadow of what could have been lurking over his shoulder, that was what. Grief, misery, loneliness.
At least his brothers knew to leave him be. And he’d done his part to hide his true feelings. They didn’t have to deal with him and his attitude. He’d retreated into the shell of what he once was and put on a mask to appease those around him.
Today was different.
Today, he was going to allow himself to feel all the feelings.
Katelynn’s heart had finally given out after the discovery of a congenital heart problem that had only surfaced after they’d gotten together.
The doctors should never have insisted that she would be fine. They should never have given him false hope.
Colt stood in the attic, where he’d moved all of Katelynn’s belongings that didn’t fit in his bedroom. There were clothes, books, shoes, and various other items he couldn’t bring himself to get rid of. Disposing of them felt wrong, and donating them meant he had to officially let go. He wasn’t strong enough for either option.
He glanced over to a box that was labeled “wedding.” His heart constricted. She’d saved some of the most mundane stuff. Napkins with their initials on them. The fake flowers from the centerpieces because she hadn’t wanted to kill flowers for just one day. There were disposable cameras they’d never had the chance to get developed. He’d been through it all, and it still hurt to think about it.
The only reason he was up here was because today was the anniversary of the day he’d kissed her for the last time and told her goodbye. A machine had been keeping her alive, but he could tell she was ready to let go.
Colt shut his eyes tight, his hands clenching into fists at his sides, but even his nails digging into his palms weren’t enough to ease the ache in his chest. His own heart had broken that day, and there was nothing any doctor could do to fix it.
After a few minutes, he took a deep breath and settled onto the floor to go through the things he’d told himself he wouldn’t touch again. He found the box of pictures and shuffled through them. She had been so vibrant. It wasn’t fair that her life had been cut short so quickly. The rate at which she deteriorated had even surprised her doctors.
He shoved the pictures into their box and pushed it away. He needed to clear his head before he went through anything else.
Colt slipped out of the house. It was early, and his brothers would be getting up to work around the ranch. If he was fast, he’d miss seeing them, and he could get out to the barn without being seen. A ride would do him some good.
He hurried across the lawn and toward the barn. But when he rounded the doorway, he stopped cold. His twin leaned casually against the stall door where Colt’s horse was stabled. He glanced lazily over at Colt but didn’t flash a smile like he usually did. Out of everyone in their family, Wyatt was the only one who didn’t push Colt to move on. Whether it was due to their connection as twins or simply because he was the most protective brother in their family remained to be seen.
“I thought you’d be out here sooner,” Wyatt drawled. “What took you so long?”
“What are you talking about?” Colt murmured, moving forward. “I didn’t have any plans with you. I took the day off so I could be by myself.” He stopped in front of the stall and flicked his fingers at his twin. “Now, you should probably move so I can get my horse and go for a ride.”
Wyatt didn’t move right away. The concern shone in his eyes as they penetrated Colt like they’d done numerous times before. “I’m not letting you spend today alone.”
Colt snorted. “There’s nothing you can really do about it. I have the day off and—”
“So do I.”
Colt stiffened. “Luke would never—”
“Actually, Luke thinks it’s a great idea.”
“I don’t believe you. There’s too much to do around here.”
“And everyone is worried you’re going to have some kind of relapse.”
The frown Colt wore deepened. “What is that supposed to mean?”
“It means, little brother, that we have four and a half years left of staying on this ranch together before we reap any of the benefits. If you decide to take off and the lawyer or anyone else finds out, then we’re up a creek.”
Colt lifted his chin, appraising his twin. “I can’t tell whether to be disappointed or relieved.”
Wyatt lifted a brow. “About what?”
“Here I thought you were waiting to help me. But in reality, you’re only here to protect the family ranch.”
“That’s not what I said,” Wyatt argued, pushing away from the stall and moving toward him. He poked Colt in the shoulder hard enough to cause a bruising pain. “You know well enough that I would never leave you to handle today on your own. I know exactly what you’re feeling, because I feel it too.” He slammed his fist against his own chest. “No one knows why it happens, but it does.”
“Well, I’m sorry to be such a burden,” Colt muttered, attempting to move past Wyatt and reach for the handle on the stall door.
Wyatt blocked him. “I get that you’re hurting. I really do. And I’m not here to tell you how to grieve or that you don’t deserve your quiet time. But I’m your brother, and I get to tell you when you’re moving into a self-destructive phase. The longer you linger on these feelings of yours, the worse it’s going to get.”
Colt glowered at his brother. If anyone else had said those words to him, he might have clocked them, given the way he was feeling in this moment. Fortunately, he knew better than to pick a fight with Wyatt. They might have been twins, but his brother had spent most of his time working on his physique rather than finding love. If they’d gone head to head, Colt would have been down on the ground, calling uncle, in a matter of seconds.
Wyatt jerked his head down the aisle. “I got my horse saddled and ready to go. I figured you’d want to go for a ride to get out of the house today. I know we can’t exactly visit her grave since she was buried in another state…”
“It’s fine,” Colt muttered. That fact was the one that disappointed him the most. He didn’t have anywhere he could pay his respects. Her family got to have that privilege. It made him wish he hadn’t agreed to move closer to them when she’d asked.
He shook off those memories and set to work saddling his horse.
Wyatt seemed to have figured out that it would be better not to talk anymore after their little conversation. They went for their ride, wandering along trails and even some that hadn’t been made by people. When they got far enough out into the pastures that weren’t as well maintained, they even saw some wildlife. A coyote darted through a fence. Rabbits scurried to a hole beneath a tree. Birds flew.
While Katelynn had appreciated nature, she’d valued living in the city more. She wanted the easy access to stores and civilization. That was something they’d differed on. Even when he’d moved to the city, he had missed this place. If he were really honest with himself, he would admit that this whole charade his grandfather had cooked up had ended up saving him.
The truth was, he needed his brothers.
Their horses plodded along, snapping twigs and branches in their path. He allowed himself to breathe in the fresh early-morning air if only to settle his mood. Katelynn wouldn’t want him to dwell on his loss. She would be telling him to move on. Well, if she wanted that so badly, she could give him a sign.
If something were to happen in his life that tore him from his despair, he might actually believe she had moved on and wanted him to be happy. Until that happened, he was going to do things his way.
“We should probably head back.” Wyatt’s quiet voice broke into his thoughts. “We’ve been riding for almost two hours. The horses need a rest.”
Colt glanced at his brother out of the corner of his eye. “Yeah, okay.”
“You going to go back to the attic?”
He shot Wyatt a surprised look. “How did you—”
“I saw the light on through the cracks of the panel.”
“Of course you did.”
“So are you going to get rid of some stuff?”
“No.” He said it firmly and without apology.
“Why not?”
“It’s not mine to give.”
“Colt—”
“And it’s none of your business what I do with my wife’s things.”
Wyatt’s jaw tightened, but then he nodded sharply.
They headed back the way they’d come and arrived at the barn a little before noon. Colt was about to pull the saddle from his horse when Wyatt waved him off. “I’ll take care of it. You do what you need.”
Colt nodded without a word and trudged toward the house. Just as he got to the top of the stairs, he heard a car coming up the drive. He turned, expecting Claire.
But he was wrong. The car was a rental. Colt frowned, peering from beneath his Stetson to see who was behind the wheel, but the glare was too strong. Whoever it was parked the car and pushed open the door.
His heart stopped.
Katelynn hadn’t had a twin, but she did have a younger sister who could have passed as one. Harper stood straight, her arm resting on the open door as she stared at Colt. Her blond hair fluttered in the afternoon breeze and she flashed him a smile. “Hi, Colt.”

(Prequel) The Cowboy's Tattered Heart
1. The Cowboy's Second Chance
2. The Cowboy's Forbidden Love
3. The Cowboy's City Girl
4. The Cowboy's Love Bet
5. The Cowboy's Redemption